This is one I don’t feel like advertising. This is a hard one for me.
I have some relationship news to share, and its even more heartbreaking then events before for me, but I think most of my friends are now in the know.
My wife and I are going to separate.
I’m sure the biggest question is “Why?”, and the answer to that one is not easy either. The bottom line is that we’ve both changed over the past year. I far more-so than her, because really growing boobs and presenting as… nay… being a woman changes a lot. I still love her so much, and I want her to be happy, but I realize that she can’t be happy with me, much less give me what I want and need in a relationship at this time. Meanwhile I can’t give her what she now wants and needs in the relationship as a result of her growing as a person.
Bottom line, there is more to the story, there is always more to the story, but I really don’t want to share the nitty gritty, but I know I, and I hope she realizes that if we tried to force things to just “work” for each of us, the collateral damage would have been immense. And with that being said, there is not a day that goes by now where I don’t burst into tears. I ask, “what have I done?”, and I get the same answer… I’ve done what I had to to treat my medical condition, I’ve done what was right for the both of us even though it doesn’t feel right…. it hurts so much.
Yesterday, I had coffee with a good friend of mine… who it turns out is hitting the same relationship conundrum in her own marriage after transitioning to full time, and is looking at the same path in front of her. She couldn’t help but quote Sting, “If you love somebody, set them free.”
I guess its good to know I’m not alone, but this still hurts.
I expected to loose so many things in my transition, and while I only ended up loosing the relationship with my mother out of everything that I feared…. I never expected that I would loose my soul mate too. I can only hope we can somehow remain good friends… It may be a pipe dream on my part, but it is my strongest hope, because I’ll always love her.