So life changes have taken place. I’m presently alone in my house, and have been for a few days with just the Corgi of DOOOOooom, the evil black cat, and the derptastic tabby cat. In a few days, the derptastic tabby will be leaving me as well.
It is too quiet in my house, and I’m struggling with feelings of sadness and loss over how my marriage… for lack of a better word imploded. I having to contend with the feelings of “why did I have to go down this road”, “why did I have to cause all this to happen”, and the answer is… I really had no choice. I didn’t ask to be born this way, and I struggled to keep my true self buried for years, and now I have to live with it all. There is nobody to blame since people change. The adult thing is to recognize and accept that people change, situations change, and the only thing that can be done is the right thing for everyone. That doesn’t make things feel any better though, and my little (which was always a girl) is kicking and screaming because she wanted a different outcome, but such is life.
I can only hope that I stop having nightmares, and find things to keep me appropriately busy. Not unhealthily busy, just appropriately.
Speaking of dreams and nightmares… It is something that I’ve avoided mentioning because my nightmares weird even ME out, and I can barely immagine what others would think if I told them what happened in some dream that I’ve half forgotten.
Although, I did have a happy trans/lesbian dream last night, so maybe things are improving. If only I could go back to bed to try and continue THAT dream. C’est la vie.